Who Gets Link?
by Mysterious Prophetess
Summary: An attempt at a humor fic. Featuring a six way battle to determine who will get our favorite Green Clad hero. Who will the winner be? R&R Flames are for marshmallows, constructive criticism welcome. Very OOC and extremely random! One Shot!


**MP:** I will be mixing the times and making things fit. Ruto is Ralis's older sister. Malon's ranch exists in Hyrule field. Also you will only find out in the end which side I am on in this shipping war. That should be clear by the victor.

**Disclaimer: I don't own this.**

**Who Gets Link?**

Link had many possible video game girls to choose from. Zelda, Malon, Illia, Ruto, and Midna all love Link, but who shall win that fair haired hunk? We shall see as all five girls fight to determine who shall win Link's heart. Well lets throw in the inevitable Mary Sue to even out the numbers a bit shall we? Now it is a 6 way battle for the heart of our favorite Hylian.

Zelda glides down the road her hair, as always, perfect. She was heading to Link's house.

'Today's the day I make Link mine!' she thought. But also en route in this strange tale would be Ruto, by way of the river.

'Soon, Linkie will be my King!'

Illia walked down another road with some useless charm thinking of a future with the hero. Malon heads to Ordon from the Lonlon ranch with something for Link and Epona, after all SHE was the one who raised Epona and gave her to Link: she was a shoe in for his girl.

Mary Sue walked down the lane her perfection making Zelda seem flawed. She was very confident she'd win the brave hero's heart because she always won. She was perfect in every way.

Midna opened a warp portal from Twilight having lied about the mirror being the only entrance and exit. As the Twili Queen, she could travel between worlds as she chose but only at the Twilight hour. She would be unable to arrive to speak with Link until sunset when the other girls she knew could possibly be after his heart would have the whole day.

Illia, being closest geographically to Link arrived first: unaware of the others.

"Link, oh, Link I brought you something!" she yelled up to his tree house.

Link awoke and stretched looking out the window and smiled when he saw Illia, but Link smiled at everyone. But to Love struck Illia it was a sign he would choose her. Link got dressed in his ranch hand's clothing and exited his home and waved to Illia.

"L-link I," she began blushing when Epona galloped out. She reached out to pet the horse when Malon arrived on another horse.

"Hey Link, long time no see." She said smiling at him and Epona nuzzled her.

"Who are you?" asked Illia.,

"I'm Malon from the Lonlon ranch where Link got Epona. Right Epona?" she said and began singing Epona's song which made the horse whinny happily.

"You're the one who taught Link that song?" asked Illia going pale.

"Of course." Said Malon smiling, her eyes showing her triumph.

"Well I helped save a Zora prince!" said Illia. Link saw the pair beginning to get slightly violent. That's when Mary Sue arrived.

"Oh Link, I love you, you love me because I'm so perfect and lets totally OOCly ditch these two and live happily ever after." She said. Link blinked at her and suddenly the claws came out.

Ruto climbed out of the rive startling many in the village and she headed towards Link's house thinking of her impending victory when she saw a three way cat fight going on.

"Link Likes me more! He went on a quest to get my memories back!"

"You're not even a Hylian!"

"I am perfection. I am Mary Sue, I always win, always!"

"Take that back you worthless OC!"

"Let's take out Mary together then you can watch me win Link!"

"Never Blondie!"

"Oh Link, aren't they just awful!" said Ruto glomping our hero and he tried to get out of her grip desperately.

"Hey, let go of him!" said Zelda arriving. Link almost let out a sigh of relief when Ruto released him. But then Zelda glomped him.

"Are you ok?" she asked. The three fighting noticed this and soon it was an all out battle. Mary Sue used her strange powers to send Malon flying while Illia cried after Zelda broke her nail and Ruto kidney punched Zelda. She then glared and drew her sword and sent electricity balls at Ruto frying the Zora. She then directed that attack at Mary Sue who used her Sue powers to bat the attacks back at Zelda sending her into Illia taking out both.

"It looks like I have won!" she said as the sun set arrived. She was about to walk over to Link and plant one on him when Midna showed up.

"Wow, it looks like a battle took place here Link. Who's she?" asked Midna narrowing her eyes at the Mary Sue.

"I am the victor in this game of love!" said Mary Sue.

"Not if I have anything to do with it!" said Malon emerging from the brush, covered in scratched. She ran right up to Mary sue and tried punching her in the face but her perfection protected her from Malon's fist. Malon noticed Midna and said,

"Who are you?"

"I am Midna, Queen of Twilight." She said.

"I am infinitely superior to you two normal characters because I am perfection, I am victorious, I am so beautiful that no man can resist me! So charming even villains adore me! So intelligent I can pick up on anything instantly! I AM MARY SUE!"

"You know, she is starting to get annoying." Said Malon.

"I concur." Said Midna, "But I don't know how to destroy a Mary Sue. I have never encountered such a monster."

"Well do something, you're the one with powers, I've only got a good right hook and she doesn't seem to be able to be harmed." Said Malon.

"You two cannot do a thing to me for I am perfection, I am victorious, I am so beautiful that no man can resist me! So charming even villains adore me! So intelligent I can pick up on anything instantly! I AM MARY SUE!"

"She's that and a broke record. I think I might have figured out how to defeat her." said Midna.

"How?" asked Malon.

"Watch what I do." Said Midna but then the Mary Sue said, again,

"I am perfection, I am victorious, I am so beautiful that no man can resist me! So charming even villains adore me! So intelligent I can pick up on anything instantly! I AM MARY SUE!" This pushed Malon over the edge. Malon tried to take down Mary Sue again and lost being rendered unconscious. Mary Sue turned to face Midna who yawned at her,

"You're not even worth my time." She said.

"But I am perfection, I am victorious, I am so beautiful that no man can resist me! So charming even villains adore me! So intelligent I can pick up on anything instantly! I AM MARY SUE! YOU CAN NEVER DEFEAT ME OR IGNORE ME!" said Mary Sue.

"How many more times are you going to say that?" asked Midna inspecting her nails. Mary Sue attacked her and Midna dodged left her robes swirling blue and black as she avoided the attack. It remained that way until the Mary Sue had a melt down.

"How can this be I am perfection, I am victorious, I am so beautiful that no man can resist me! So charming even villains adore me! So intelligent I can pick up on anything instantly! I AM MARY SUE! You cannot be _**not**_ losing to me in this battle: I always win!" she cried.

"What battle?" asked Midna yawning. The other contenders awoke from their unconsciousness and saw Midna almost defeating the undefeatable Mary Sue. They soon joined her and copied her movements.

"We have decided you're really not worth fighting Mary Sue." Said Zelda as all the others nodded and refused to fight her.

"NO! I MUST BE VICTORIOUS FOR I am perfection, I am victorious, I am so beautiful that no man can resist me! So charming even villains adore me! So intelligent I can pick up on anything instantly! I AM MARY SUE! I CANNOT LOSE!" she screamed.

"Well without a battle, you cannot win." Said Ruto.

"NO!! I AM METLING FROM MY PERFECTION! NO!!" screamed Mary Sue as she was destroyed by her rays of perfection from not winning and therefore not being perfect enough to survive her perfection rays. Malon kicked her remains and said,

"What? She deserved it."

"Now lets get back to deciding who gets Link." Said Zelda cracking her knuckles.

"Why not let the guy you're fighting over chose." Said a voice and they turn to see one of the sages from the Arbiter's dessert floating there.

"I see the wisdom in that." Said Zelda.

"Smart." Said Malon.

"Ok." Said Illia. Ruto shrugged and Midna kept inspecting her nails. Link nodded liking this idea.

"Ok, now chose so that peace might be restored." Said the sage. Link looked at the five girls left and scratched his head looking at all of them in tern he then smiled his widest and pointed to Midna.

"THE BLUE FREAK!" said the other four girls in shock. Midna looked up.

"Me? You chose me? Why?" she asked. Link just smiled as the other four girls broke down in tears. It seemed that Link was whispering to Midna and she nodded.

"Well I accept!" she said. Link then left to get something he forgot at the spring. Once he was out of ear shot Midna shrugged.

"Well I knew I was going to win. Have any of you ever saved his life or really ever helped on his quests at all integrally aside from being the damsels in distress?" she said.

THE END


End file.
